Last semester, it was just announced, our grades - a sign of strength, right? But not for us.
It was below C average. Who ever heard of this? It’s never below B.
Our arrival of new students was the worst since 1978.
But think of it, grades below C average, horrible growth rate, and our real club participation rating is anywhere from 18-20%. Don’t believe the 100%. Don’t believe it.
That’s right - a lot of people up there can’t get money. They can’t get money because parents have our money and teachers have our money. They all have our money. But the real number, the real number, is anywhere from 18-19 and maybe even 21% and nobody talks about it because it’s a statistic that’s full of nonsense.
Our enemies are getting stronger and stronger by the day and we as a school are getting weaker. Even our nuclear arsenal doesn’t work.
It came out recently. They have equipment that’s 30 years old and they don’t even know if it works. And I thought it was horrible when it was broadcast on television because boy does that send signals to the principal of the middle school and all of the other people that look at us and they say ‘OK, that is a group of people and that is a high school that truly has no clue. They don’t know what they’re doing. They don’t know what they’re doing.’
We have a disaster called the big lie – Alice’s presidency.
Yesterday it came out nobody has money. You have to get hit by a tractor, literally a tractor, to use it because the people won’t give up the money.
And remember the $5 billion posters, 5 billion we spent on a poster, and to this day it doesn’t work. A $5 billion dollar poster. All of the school’s money, going to Alice.
I have so many posters. I have them all over the place. I hire people, they do a poster. It costs me $3.
$5 billion dollar posters.
Well you need somebody because politicians are all talk, no action. Nothing’s going to get done. They will not bring us, believe me, to the promised land. They will not.
As an example, I’ve been on the classes listening and I hear my fellow students and they’re wonderful people. I like them. They all want me to support them.
They don’t know how to bring it about, they come up to my office. I’m meeting with three of them in the next week and they don’t know: How is it like to live under a good president? How is it?
And I like them. I hear their speeches. And they don’t talk jobs. They don’t talk the other schools. When was the last time you heard ‘The other schools is killing us?’ They’re devaluing their standards to a level that you wouldn’t believe it makes it impossible for our students to compete. Impossible.
They’re killing us, but you don’t hear that from anyone else. You don’t hear that from anybody else.
And I watch the speeches. I watch the speeches and they say ‘the sun will rise. The moon will set. All sorts of wonderful things will happen.’
And the people are saying ‘What’s going on? I just want money. I don’t need the rhetoric, I just want money.'
And it’s going to get worse because remember, Alice’s presidency really kicks in in that grace period.
Mattea is going to be out playing tennis. She might even be on one of my courses - I would invite her. I have the best courses in the world. So I say, you know what, if she wants to - I have one right next to the school. Right on the grounds. If she wants to, if she’d like to play, that’s fine. In fact I’d love her to drop out early and play. That would be a very good thing.
But Alice’s presidency kicks in in the next week, really bigly. It is going to be amazingly destructive.
People are quitting.
I have a friend who’s a person and he said to me the other day: ‘Karl, I never saw anything like it. I have more money with middle schoolers. It’s a disaster. My friends are besides themselves. They had a plan that was good. They had a plan. They have no plan now.’
We have to repeal Alice’s Presidency and it can be replaced with something much better for everybody. Let it be for everybody, but much better and much less expensive for people and for the school. And we can do it.
So I’ve watched the politicians. I’ve dealt with them all my life. If you can’t make a good deal with a politician, then there’s something wrong with you. There’s something certainly not very good and that’s what we have representing us.
They will never make Newvit great again. They don’t even have a chance. They are controlled fully, they are controlled fully by the teachers, by the parents and by the principles. Fully. They control them.
Hey, I have friends. I have to tell you, I have friends that can produce anything for me. They’re great. But you know what? It won’t happen. It won’t happen because we have to stop doing things for some people, but for our school it’s destroying this school.
We have to stop and it has to stop now.
Our school needs, our school needs a truly great leader and we need a truly great leader now.
We need a leader that wrote the Art of the Tart. We need a leader that can bring back our students, can bring back our money, can bring back our military, can take care of our people - our people have been abandoned. And we also need a cheerleader.
You know, when President Alice was elected I said ‘Well, the one thing I think he’ll do well - I think she’ll be a great cheerleader for the school. I think she’d be a great spirit. She was vibrant. Shee was young. I really thought she would be a great cheerleader.
She’s not a leader, that’s true. You’re right about that. But she wasn’t a cheerleader. She’s actually a negative force. She’s been a negative force. She wasn’t a cheerleader, he was the opposite.
We need somebody that can take the brand of the Newvit High School and make it great again. It’s not great.
We need, we need, we need somebody that literally will take this school and make it great again. We can do that.
And, I will tell you, I love my life. I have a wonderful family. They’re saying, ‘son, you’re going to do something that’s so tough.’
You know, all of my life I’ve heard that a truly successful person, a really, really successful person - and even modestly successful - cannot run for public office. Just can’t happen.
And yet, that’s the kind of mindset that you need to make this school great again.
So, ladies and gentlemen, I am officially running for President of the Newvit High School and we are going to make our school great again.
It can happen. Our school has tremendous potential. We have tremendous potential.
If elected, I will personally give out $1000 to every student. $1000 dollars to do whatever you want with it. $1000 of my own money. Because we have tremendous potential. This will allow for our students to actually do something with their lives. $1000 is a big amount. Do you see the other candidates giving you $1000? I don’t think so.
I’m rich. If the clubs need anything, I’ll give it to them. The other candidates, trust me, they don’t have the money. Come on, $1000? That’s a lot of cash. You can contribute to the economy!
Have you ever wanted to do something in school but couldn’t because of rules? Well, we’re going to get rid of a lot of rules. Believe me. A lot of rules. We’re going to make lunch great again, folks.
Now, let’s talk Alice. I respect Alice. But think, what has she done for you, personally? Has anything really changed? Now, imagine this. Imagine being able to make school much more fun. Imagine $1000 for your pocket. Tax free, too. I can guarantee that. No new taxes.
You know, Alice is a pretty mean candidate. I’m writing this speech in advance, but she probably didn’t even mention me. How arrogant is that? Not even paying attention to her biggest threat. Think about it. $1000. $1000. $1000. That’s four 0’s.
You know, I take into account everyone’s suggestions. Like, pepper spray will be given to everyone to discourage bullying. If you are bullied, voting for me will solve that. Alice is an establishment politician. She won’t give you all $1000. Believe me, she won’t.
Now, Mattea. Mattea is running based off of her popularity and coolness. But it isn’t even winter, so she can’t be cool. Checkmate, Mattea. Try to disprove science. Boom. $1000 in your pockets, ladies and gentlemen. Heck, with how much money Alice is wasting, I can probably make the school give you another $1000. Upwards of $2000. That’s a lot of cash. That’s 120-something hours you don’t have to work. Believe me, money will help.
Now, some might call me a joke candidate. But I’m a politician, and politicians can never be funny, so it’s not a joke because somebody has to laugh for it to be a joke. You know what I’m saying?
So, check Karl when you vote, and when I’m president I’ll give everyone $1000. Maybe even more, depending on if the other candidates drop out. I will give $1000 more to everyone if the other candidates drop out. Come on, other candidates, why won’t you give money to these people to make Newvit great again? Come on. You know, I love all of you guys. And girls. More girls than guys. I wouldn’t be giving so much money away if I wasn’t, you know?
You can definitely trust me. I’m a trustworthy guy. I’ve never lied before with my own words. Believe me in that. I will listen to your suggestions. Believe me. I like listening. People’s voices are great. They’re different tones and speeds, which makes listening a grand time. Plus, I won’t get bullied around by the school. Because if they do that, my dad has a lot of power and can probably make the principal come to my side. So, if you vote for me, that makes the principle 1000 times more likely to like you. You, personally. I’m speaking to all of you individually. Vote for me to get your voice heard, vote for me for freedom, and vote for me for $1000 cash. I mean, it could be $2000 if the other candidates dropped out. Imagine how much prosperity that would bring. That’s another $150,000 going directly to the people who need it the most. I bet they won’t even consider that option. This is only if I win, folks. Because believe me, that big paycheck will be the first of many great miracles to make Newvit High School great again.
Thank you! Vote Karl!
