Pie's Thread

"Bad feeling... Yeah," Mikoto says. Her tail and ears are bristling.

"Da. Had bad feeling since the Incident earlier..." Zarv mutters.

"A pilot has to know when to trust their gut, and mine's saying this situation's about to go FUBAR," Wildcat agrees.

"AI-112-E... Let me see... ASCII? 112 would be 0, or NUL... NUL-E? AI-0? Robo-NIL... Nah," the voice continues quietly. "Hex, maybe... 11 would be B, AI-B2-E... eh, 12 would be C..."

"Oh, yeah! The burning rubble. The ISS! Y'know, like, the International Space Station?"

"Yes, the International Space Station - if we assume for now this is not a simulation - has been destroyed." Jeanine hesitates, then pats Anne's head. "I'm not sure how aware of it those here not scientifically minded are, but the ISS is a multinational endeavor that... well the important parts are it's the precursor to bases like this, and its destruction would be an international incident."

"A bi-i-i-i-ig 'un, too," Texas says. "Heck, I remember 'bout a year back I was part of a raid 'gainst a group that was damn interested in bringin' it down. Now, what was their name...?"

"Borne Under Nightsky," Wildcat mutters.

"Oh, yer familiar?" Texas asks, a hint of humor in his voice.

"Yeah." Wildcat's helmet doesn't betray any emotion.

"Funny, that." Texas continues to toy with the paintball gun in his holster.

"Ah-HA!" AI-112-E says in a slightly less monotone than usual voice. "Got it. Now, where was I? Ah, right!"

"Are you OK, Twelvy?" Anne asks. "Do you want some soup? That makes me feel better when I'm sick."

"Oh, that won't be necessary. The update is finished! Appearance has been updated. Experimental procedures have been updated. All experimental safety limiter parameters updated. More importantly, I finally figured out a decent nickname! Just swap the 12 to a C. Name registry updated to AI-1c-e."

Hologram projectors flicker for a moment before the AI reappears, sitting in Jeanine's lap, its appearance radically changed. It now wears a short, sleeveless, backless, deep blue dress. One leg is covered in a white stocking with a simple black shoe, and the opposite arm wears a sleeve that reaches all the way to the shoulder. A simulacrum of a tattoo begins with roots on the AI's fingertips, a flower stem winding under the dress, leaves sprouting all along the AI's bare back. The stem continues down its leg, ending with a white, pointy-leaved flower on the sole of its bare foot. In contrast with its pale skin, its eyes now glow a bright pink. The AI makes itself comfortable in Jeanine's lap, crossing its legs with a smirk. With a snap, it produces a black-and-white checkered tophat and places it on its head. A pair of ears, one white, one black, spring out through the sides, perked up.

"That's Alice, for short. And! There's a few updated regulations for the experiment in response to all the... abnormalities. Basically, in order to make up for lost time, we need to really ratchet up that stress. Additional Rule 1. All exits have been sealed and defenses are at full alert. Demolition charges within the facility will detonate within one month. As previously scheduled, the return shuttle will unlock in two months and twenty-nine days. Antarctica, Moon, either way that's not exactly conducive to the whole 'staying alive' thing.

"If you wish to leave the facility, you must either commit a murder or be among the last three survivors. Additionally, a successful murderer is allowed to select one other participant to bring along. However, to be considered successful, the murderer must manage to avoid being voted as the guilty party by a jury of all surviving participants. Should a murderer - or their associate - be caught, they shall be executed rather than granted escape. Simple, right? Even you bunch should be able to figure this out. Well, you are the control group, so I made sure to design my experiment a lot simpler than what's going on in the other units right now. If you want any clarifications or details, just check the detailed rules posted in the cafeteria." Alice leans against Jeanine, leaning on its bare arm, foot waving as calmly as if this is all completely normal. "It should all be very self-explanatory, but I'm sure you group of morons have questions. Well, get on with it. This AI is programmed to answer all participant questions which do not conflict with higher-order data blocks."

"Um, this sounds really mean..." Anne Jean whispers.

"Uh..." Francois Morales gulps.

Jill Aliapoh rubs her eyes. "That's... this is a lot to take in."

"Well, then...." John stares into space quietly.

Wildcat folds her arms. "Clarify something. Would, hypothetically, the murderer and their accomplice both be allowed to escape with someone of their choice? How many accomplices can a murderer have? And how do you determine the murderer and accomplice? Can someone be an accidental accomplice?"

"Oh, look, someone who actually asks decent questions. The murderer is defined as the one who first formulates and initates a plan. Accomplices are any who willingly and knowingly agree to assist in the murder. Those who are unknowingly manipulated into assisting with a murder, such as delivering a poisoned meal or setting off a trip wire, are not considered accomplices. There are no limits to how many accomplices may be involved with a murder. However, only the murderer and one person of their choice - accomplice or not - will be freed."

Larissa blinks. "Wait, like, we have to... murder someone? Like, murder-murder?"

"We have to.... murder someone... and get away with it...?" Zarv mutters quietly to himself in shock.

"We have to get away with murder!?" Mikoto demands, tail and ears erect. "That's... impossible! How could anyone get away with murder around the world's greatest detective."

"More easily than you think, Pet Detective Ishikawa. I bet any of you could pull it off if you put your mind to it!"

Mikoto blushes slightly. "Th-that's Junior Detective, animal crimes division, thank you!"

"One month..." Sammy mutters to himself. "Is there any way to get, I dunno, an extension on that?"

"Maybe. Depends on my mood." AI-1c-e stretches. "Keep me entertained well enough and maybe I'll see fit to prolong your torment - I mean the experiment."

Valerie clutches the hem of her dress nervously. "D-demolition charges...? That... that sounds really bad! May... maybe if this is Antarctica we could survive long enough to send up a signal and maybe get rescued, but first we'd have to survive the blast...! And, and if this is the moon..."

"Demolition charges." Calum McFinn scowls. "That's a coward's weapon."

Jeanine tenses up under the AI, hat drooping over her eyes. "It's... It was you. You're the one the stars warned me of. That's... you can't... where and how would you have even gotten and set enough explosives to destroy such a sophisticated facility?"

"They were included in the original construction, of course. Just in case."

The Bulgarian wheezes in and out. "What sort of yield are we talking about?"

The AI smirks. "Enough."

Zack seems confused. "I... this wasn't a part of the brochure. You're joking, right? I mean, one of you guys reprogrammed her to say all that, right?" He looks around.

zer0 is quick to answer. "Oh, right. I get it. This is part of some prank. Ha-ha, very funny guys. You really got me for, like, a half-second there. Almost. You can come out with the hidden cameras now. But I do like the redesign for Twelvy. Alice, huh? Super-cute, love the ears." She takes a step forward, almost crawling in Jeanine's lap to reach up to touch the AI. She wraps her hands around the rabbit-like ears, wagging them back and forth. "Um, what? The fuck? How can I, like, touch you now?"

"That is classified. By which I mean it's a super-classified super-high-tech prototype called hardlight projection that gives me limited ability to physically interact with the environment." AI-1c-e reaches out and grabs zer0 by the cheeks, tugging on them behind her robo-rabbit mask.

zer0's cheeks stretch as she lets out a pained grunt. "Dah hurs, Twely."

"Good." When AI-1c-e lets go, zer0's cheeks snap back into position, bright red from the force.

zer0 rubs her face. "So you're saying now I really can slap that ass?"

"Oh, yes. And I can slap back, too," AI-1c-e says.

Texas Jones keeps one hand on his gun as he adjusts his hat. "That a fact...?" In an instant he whips out the pistol, fanning the hammer and letting out three shots.

The first splatters on the AI's chest. In an instant the AI flickers out of existence, the paint falling into Jeanine's lap. The other two shots splatter directly onto Jeanine's heart and the third splatters the rim of her hat.

"Ah!" Jeanine squeals. "Jeez, that smarts! Will you cool it, Orion? What, do you think you're going to shoot the program back into working order? My poor hat..."

AI-1c-e reappears in Jeanine's lap, back to the crowd. "Yes, Texas, whatever are you doing?" She swipes the paint off and flicks it onto the ground. When she's satisfied, she turns and sits again. "Are there any other questions? Because the clock is ticking." AI-1c-e pulls a golden pocketwatch out of a small breast pocket. "Tick-tock, tick-tock."

"Would everyone calm down?" Zarv demands. "Before anyone makes any rash decisions we need to think things through carefully."

Mikoto bristles. "Wildcat! What are you asking all those questions for!?" she demands. "You can't seriously be thinking about going through with it, are you!?"

zer0 hops back and puts her hands on her hips. "OK, fine. I'll play this little game. What, like, cool props and special effects? Some big, fancy stream? Yeah, sure. This'll get some big views, I bet. So, like, are you all in on it as actors or are you, like, other streamers?"

"ZER0!" Mikoto yells.

"What stops you from just poisioning everyone's food and winning by being the last man standing then?" John asks.

"JOHN!" Mikoto yells.

"Oh, how bloodthirsty. A single killer is restricted to two murders before a voting session. Additionally, between a murderer being discovered and the voting session, any other murders will be considered null and void for the purposes of escape." AI-1c-e shakes its head and shrugs. "Though if you managed to kill everyone at once? I think I might make an exception. I prepare all meals on request and sized appropriately to maintain participant health in order to minimize food waste."

Calum glares solemnly. "No further questions here."

Wildcat walks over and leans against the wall. "Great. So, what now..."

"I swear to you all. As long as I live I will make sure everyone will live and escape," Zarv declares boldly. He turns to AI-1c-e. "If this is some sick challenge for the Ultimate Escape Artist, then know this: challenge accepted."

Larissa leans back and points dramatically at AI-1c-e. "You think we're just going to sit back and do what you want? Act like a bunch of sheep instead of fighting back?"

"Oh, the escape artist is trying to weasel out of things and the battle top master is starting a revolution is she?" The AI smirks.

Larissa grimaces and Zarv looks unimpressed.

"Would you like to see what happens when the sheep start fighting back? Because some of The Carpenter's group decided to try something. I can pull up the footage of the execution if you want to watch. It's just about to start." The AI seems excited.