Under the Bridge

Examine surroundings outside of the bridge for innocent bystanders sinners to purify.

Jeffery Magnum (A.K.A. Thomas Yorkshire) sighed to himself at the pitiful sight in front of him. A seemingly honest worker, perhaps just as shunned by mainstream society as he, doing what they can in order to survive. However, Jeffery Magnum had special eyes, and has had a special vision. God himself, a pretty rad dude, visited him one stoney night, and had opened his eyes to the uncomfortable truth he had always suspected: the mainstream was consuming the world, driving innocent people into sin, and transformed most of the human population in hollow shells of themselves; walking, empty husks, who deep down in their hearts, desire salvation from their bondage beneath the cruel whims of the demon known as the mainstream. God had instructed him with a simple task: purify the sinners.

Jeffery Magnum (A.K.A. Thomas Yorkshire) approached the hobo for a closer look. Yes. It was redoubtable from the way he dressed, and the fishing rod in his hands. He too, was taken by the mainstream. He too, was a sinner. Jeffery Magnum (A.K.A. Thomas Yorkshire) closed his eyes and focused his hearing, and he could listen to the faint cries of help deep within the hobo's tainted mind. He knew what must be done.

If only the agents of the mainstream, referred to by the sinners as "the police", did not confiscate his titanium guitar.

Jeffery Magnum (A.K.A. Thomas Yorkshire) ran up to the hobo, who jolted in surprise. "I am on a mission from god!" Jeffery Magnum (A.K.A. Thomas Yorkshire) declared, before pointing at the hobo. The laser of heaven smited the wicked from above.

Jeffery Magnum (A.K.A. Thomas Yorkshire) brings a hand to his chest to say a silent prayer for the purified hobo. Lying where they stood: a large puddle of blood, various internal organs that survived the blast, and tatters of the clothing they wore.

You are freed from your mortal prison. You're welcome.

Jeffery Magnum (A.K.A. Thomas Yorkshire) approached the remains. Finding his breakfast, he reached down, scooped up a liver, and ate it. He knew much of the mainstream's methods of tainting the populace, and he knew that the consumption of food found in restaurants and supermarkets were the primary ways it spread its influence. Not even the gifts of the land were left untouched, as the mainstream had poisoned them through pesticides and generations of selective breeding of fruits and vegetables. The mainstream, however, did not account for the consumption of other humans. This is how Jeffery Magnum (A.K.A. Thomas Yorkshire) has been able to resist the mainstream's cancer during his quest.

After finishing his meal, he looked over the remains for any more remains that may serve use to him. (Loot)

Jeffery Magnum (A.K.A. Thomas Yorkshire) finds what remains to be too mainstream for him, so he returns to his headquarters under the bridge to plan what the next step to spread god's will would be.

Jeffery Magnum (A.K.A. Thomas Yorkshire) sits next to the box. He ironically pets Thomas Yorkshire (A.K.A. Jeffery Magnum) as he looks at the green stone he doesn't remember ever seeing. He contemplates crushing it to dust and snorting it to check if it is also a fragment from the mainstream, or something else entirely.

Jeffery Magnum (A.K.A. Thomas Yorkshire) did the only rational thing to do as the untested item appeared to absorb itself into his body.


Scream. Ironically.

Jeffery Magnum (A.K.A. Thomas Yorkshire)'s screams halted once he came to the realization that his state of mind remained unsullied. A few flicks of the wrists, and his physical body was untainted. The rock was not an agent of the mainstream. Nonetheless, he was careless, and this was the wake-up call. He will not allow the mainstream to catch him unawares again!

To that end, he grabbed the mysterious laptop that had not been there when he went to sleep and launched it into the river. Liquids have proven effective tools against such sinister devices.

Jeffery Magnum (A.K.A. Thonas Yorkshire) examined the river and what lied beyond it, wondering if this stream was a regular stream, or a mainstream.

Jeffery Magnum (A.K.A. Thomas Yorkshire) gasped. This day... This date...

The sacred holiday!

Jeffery Magnum (A.K.A. Thomas Yorkshire) forgot everything about what he was currently doing. He had a ritual to perform.

Sitting down next to the cardboard bix that is his headquarters, Jeffery Magnum (A.K.A. Thomas Yorkshire) took out a pair of his custom-crafted rolls of marijuana-lookalikes (but not actually marijuana because that's too mainstream). He gave one to Thomas Yorkshire (A.K.A. Jeffery Magnum). The dog automatically lit them both.


Far out.