The Story!

Inside La Casa Universe

Yeah, that was about it. Logan couldn't help but feel a little repulsed by Ronaldo. It wasn't even necessarily the words that were coming out of his mouth, since for all he knew it was full truth. Not really caring either way, he grasped the cargo shorts-clad teen by the hand, and pulled. “Get up. It's time to leave, Ronny Boy.”

“Excuse me? Is this your house?” asked Ronaldo, as he nonetheless stood. Chamomile nearly went everywhere thanks to the speed at which he was forced to put it down atop the table.

“It isn't.” Logan admitted, realizing he may have technically been overstepping. However, as the adult, he knew he could take a little license with his authority. “You are, however, breaching some serious social etiquette. You don't just tell someone that you think their family hates them.”

“Well, I didn't-”

“No, you did! Ronaldo, that was actually really mean!” Steven chimed in, looking like he might never stop frowning.

“I mean, I guess you don't have to leave, if you're willing to apologize...” Logan figured he might as well give the teen a chance to walk it back.

Looking down at the ground, the teen seemed to show just a little bit of remorse. “I am sorry, Steven. And I'm sorry you're offended, Ambassador, but it isn't just alien women! Human women are kind of a problem, too! They're always looking down on us for the way we are, saying no to dates, and making us feel like we're creeps! I can't help but feel uncomfortable living in a town with three of them who aren't just females, but also superpowered aliens! Can you even imagine what would happen if they decided to get violent? We men wouldn't stand a chance, that's why I'm trying to warn you. They may be your roommates, Steven, but the Crystal Gems are not your friends!”

Inside La Casa Universe (Newly 100% Dweeb-free, a minute or so later)

“No way,” whimpered Steven, through tears that were now streaming down his face. “The Gems love me! They all do!”

The UA diplomat was now sitting next to the sensitive young boy, his arm wrapped around him in a side-hug of comfort. “I'm sure they do. Steve, you know them better than frigging Ronaldo does. You live with them! You work together! When has that clown ever even spoken to a girl?” It had become Wofairly evident where Ronaldo's suspicions about the rock aliens had come from, and it wasn't a healthy but respectful skepticism of others.

Having mostly staunched the flow of salty liquid from his eyes, the gemchild said, “I think he talks to Sadie sometimes. And I know he orders stuff from Fish Stew Pizza sometimes. Kiki and Jenny both work there. He's usually not that bad.”

Raising the corners of his mouth without even intending to, Logan admired the fact that even hurt, the kiddo didn't want to talk badly of his 'friend'. “I'm sure he isn't. Just maybe try shutting him down next time he brings up the subject of aliens. Or gender-related things.” Privately, he added “Or anything”, but saying such a thing out loud would be crude.

“Aww. But in my experience, aliens are great! Pearl's always so clean and protective, Amethyst is funny and laid-back, and Garnet's... Mysterious! Plus, there's me! I'm half-alien!” A momentary body-shift to make his eyes pitch-black and elongated like a classic 'grey' alien visitor accompanied the last sentence, and it was possibly the most unsettling Logan had yet seen. If anything, it was like looking into a pair of endless abyssal pits, and would have been a nasty experience had the little superhuman not ended it quite quickly.

Trying not to let his slight discomfort show, Logan decided the best course of action was to say something to comfort the kid as well as him. “Actually, you're full alien now. So am I. This world has tons of them!”

“It does?” He looked genuinely shocked to hear this news.

“Yeah, even people like Sadie from the Big Donut, or Mr. Mayor are aliens.” Logan further explained, “Since this isn't the planet they're from, that means they're alien lifeforms. I came here from another Earth also, back in the year 2000. I was even younger than you are!” He didn't know just how many years the curly-haired boy had been alive, but the total was surely higher than his had been when the First Eruption had happened.

“I... think I know what you're talking about.” Looking upwards and sticking his tongue slightly out the the side of his mouth, Steven stopped talking for a few seconds. “You mean that thing that happened a week and a half ago?”

“Yes.” Logan answered simply, taking a sip of zox and savoring the sour electric horribleness that had proven to be so delicious and blue.

“I... do not really understand what that was. Can you explain? Dad just said that I shouldn't worry about it unless we end up going on a trip, but I go on trips all the time to distant gem places...” Steven's face flushed a little, as if he was embarrassed to not get what had happened.

“Yeah, I got you covered. Okay, have you ever seen any shows or games with alternate realities?” Logan wondered just how much of a basis for understanding the Eruptions his new acquaintance had.

“Of course! In New Ninja Squad, they traveled to the world of the original Ninja Squad! I loved that episode! Are you saying it was like that?”

“I think so! Except instead of New Ninja Squad, it was places that traveled to a different world. Places like Beach City, and my home, along with others are all from different copies of planet Earth!” He smiled as if he were talking about a cool, science fiction type concept, instead of an increasingly frightening reality.

“That is...” The wait for Steven to finish his sentence was palpable. It cut through the atmosphere of their chat like the Wonderchild's beam saber through lesser opponents. Butterflies welled up and made a nuisance of themselves inside the adult guy's stomach, and he wished the silence would be over. Finally, it was. “...awesome! Oh boy, I can't wait to tell everyone they're aliens now! And ask Dad if we can actually go on a trip! A whole new world to explore... But I never even got to see most of the other one. Is it all gone? Does that we can't go back ever?”

The grey haired early 20something bit his lip so hard he almost broke the skin. “We don't think so. The Eruptions aren't even understood, let alone something we can reproduce or reverse. So far, we've just had to get along. That's where I come in. As the Ambassador for a group of countries called the United Arms, working to foster the kind of cooperation that failed after the first Eruption. Usually I end up doing a lot of talking, but sometimes I have to make friends by helping out in my robot, the W-E unit – also known as the Wonderchild. You saw me in it earlier, and as you could see, it does a really good job at taking down bad guys.”

“We fight a lot of bad guys too! Mostly big monsters, but sometimes? We fight small ones! And sometimes really big ones, like that Red Eye thing!” The sheer joy of being a superhero and in the company of someone else who did good works was getting to the boy, and he'd clearly already forgotten all about the horrible things said to him by his teenage 'friend'.

“Was that a monster, though? It didn't look like it had biological parts.” The guy in the simple white button down and grey slacks had been pondering that since the previous evening, since Sonya had been unable to get that information out of Pearl.

“I guess not. Sometimes, we just find weird stuff. Like this mirror we I grabbed inside the temple! It makes funny sounds, and sometimes, it even says things!” Excitement abound, the junior Universe grabbed it off a shelf where he'd had it stored. As quickly as it was grabbed, the artifact (a light grey framed handheld mirror, much the sort someone cartoonishly obsessed with their own looks would carry around. “Say hi, Logan!”

“Hi, Logan!” Oh, that's original. Never heard that joke before.

“Hi, Logan!” repeated the mirror, displaying his goony smiling face as he made the joke.

“Oh, that's cool. It mimics what we say?” Logan found it quite amusing, and kept staring into the object's reflective surface to see if it would replay his words again.

“don't think so,” said the hand mirror, before following up with “just weird stuff and funny sounds”. Most of the time it displayed Logan's face speaking, but it also switched to showing Steven for at least one of the words.

At first he didn't exactly comprehend, but after hearing all that was said, it became obvious. It had been listening to their conversation, and had pieced together a response to his question on its own! “That's really impressive! It reminds me of my robot's computer, Adam! He's like an avatar of the operating system I run, and I talk to him during fights. He's really useful.”

“It didn't look like it had biological parts,” was the mirror's Logan-based response.

“No, it didn't! He's just programming data, as far as I know! Steven, this is great!” Handing back the lovely mirror, he confided, “I think we have a lot to learn from each other! Here's to new friends?”

“Here's to new friends!” Steven clinked mugs one additional time before the pair of them drained what was left in their mugs.

The encounter was going better than he could have hoped. Score one for diplomacy!

Inside the Wonderchild

“Fire all three of them and then recharge! Capitalize on the push, we lost Kim to make it happen!” Logan's heart bumped hard in his stomach, and sweat dripped down his brow. If he didn't make this next attack count, it would be over! “Everyone get in there!” As he directed the Wonderchild to leap and bound down the street toward the horrifying tower of muscle and black bio-armor, he had to activate the verniers to launch himself over a ripped-in-half Tyrannosaurus Dinozord. Obviously, there was no time to check on Jason's safety, and with the Triad Cannons humming as loudly as they ever had, Logan made it to the reptile which towered over his mecha. Godzilla was there, and if the pilot's eyes weren't betraying him, Eva-01 had been literally decapitated. The sight sickened Logan, but all he could do was watch his trio of energy bursts slam into the fiend point-blank, whizzing through the air with their telltale aural frequency, but failing to even penetrate Godzilla's nigh-invulnerable skin.

The last thing he saw was the monstrosity's mouth open up, energy crackling and accumulating before it fired out in a straight beam, ripping the Wonderchild to bits.

Logan and Sonya's Motel Room, a week after the visit to Steven

“Fuck you, Godzilla!” Logan screeched these words defiantly, expecting them to be his last as he flailed uselessly wrapped up in a cocoon of blankets.

“Yeah!” shouted the engineer from their bathroom, loud enough that he could hear even with the door shut and the shower running. That second part didn't last long. “Okay, I'm done in here. By the way, are you still coming?”

Was he still coming? To his funeral? No, clearly that was a dream. An extremely intense, but poorly formed and illogical dream at that. He hadn't been near Eva or the Power Rangers in a while – he'd been having the time of his life in Beach City! The process of experiencing the local attractions, and just generally unwinding without working too hard had been doing a good job of de-stressing him, but having the King of the Monsters intrude on his rem cycles had really done a number on him. His usual physical signs of anxiety had intruded, but the lack of a reasonable center for them just lead to Logan waking up on the high strung side of the bed. Within under a minute, he was able to answer.

“Am I coming where?” asked the pilot who'd just failed in his dream.

“Beach City Underground Wrestling. It's a special show, apparently they have been planning this one for a while. Were you gonna come with me, or stay here and be lame like a bump on a log?”

Choice Time!

>Logan could be considered log-an.  He would sit this one out, and try to find something else to occupy him at the room.  There had to be something better.

>Why not?  Logan had never been to a professional wrestling show, but he was all for local culture type events, and it could be fun!

Sure lets go because Wynat

Inside a half-wrecked warehouse, Beach City (nighttime)

Logan couldn't believe what he'd just seen. Tipped up at the edge of his seat, he stood fully to try and get a better look at what he'd just seen. He was only a row or two away from a regulation-style four-posted professional wrestling-style 'ring', which he'd been watching flood with all sorts of strange and eccentric men and women the entirety of the evening. However, it was the match which preceded the presumed main event that had him covering his mouth with his hand and gasping in a burst of air. The reason was simple: he was looking at a trim beanpole in striped pants and sporting long, stringy black hair. Thanks to an ill-fated attempt to jump and do a flip onto his opponent, the pale-skinned gothy guy had landed on the ground outside the ring, bleeding. Instantly the entire crowd (Logan included) had winced, as warm red life-juice poured out of his face-down nose and onto the slightly-padded ground.

“Is he even gonna be okay?” asked Sadie, who even standing on her chair was still not as tall as the rest of the people in front of them. Yes, it turned out that when Sonya and her pal arrived, they'd ended up sitting next to Sadie and Lars from the Big Donut. They'd been enjoying the parade of quirky and colorful athletes, along with the deft maneuvers they brought to the table, at least until the mishap.

“Heh. That's Jack Shard, Sadie. Only one of the most hardcore and out of control high flyers in the history of the business. I'm sure this kinda thing happened to him dozens of times. That's why they say 'high risk!'” Arms crossed across his chest, Sadie's skinny co-worker seemed utterly confident that the man who was bleeding and being helped out of the building by the referee would be totally fine. Logan wasn't so sure, but somehow he felt that a guy with giant plugs in his earlobes and a single fluffy tuft of hair atop his head was likely to know more about the sport than he did.

In that moment, Logan was feeling really quite alright even though he'd just seen something horrible. He was really enjoying the low lighting in the warehouse, along with the commentary by Mr. Smiley, the bald black man who ran the Funland properties on either side of the peninsula that was Beach City. Even the fact that there was a huge split in the opposing side of the building, leaving salt air to waft straight into the building, wasn't so much a problem. In fact, it actually cooled the primitive “arena”, providing the joy of the ocean's breeze to the entirety of the audience. A quiet hush, broken only by the conversations of the scant couple dozen folks who had attended the event. It was mostly adult or teen men, but there were at least a few young girls who'd been cheering in the last match. The last of them passed Logan and the gang as they headed out to follow Mr. Shard to wherever he planned to get treatment, and the experience was quite like hearing a wailing banshee and a crying baby at the same time. “Ick,” he said, feeling a little sorry for everyone involved in the experience.

“Wouldn't it be cute if I was like that?” whispered Sonya into the ambassador's ear. As he turned his head and looked into her eyes, confused, she clarified. “A total fangirl. Worrying when the object of my obsession gets hurt. Cheering for you during your battles and waving signs I'd draw up. All for you~” was accompanied by a quick wink.

“I thought it already was that way,” fired Logan curtly. “I'm so awesome you joined my diplomatic crusade across the country. Even though you had a sweet job, you bailed at the drop of a hat.”

Making eye contact with tiny little Sadie, the engineer rolled her eyes. “You see what I have to deal with? I come on board with him to get my hands on a giant robot, and now he has ideas.”

“Hah, yeah. Maybe we ought to find cooler guys to hang out with.” She shot a quick look at Lars, before frowning.

Snorting, the young man she was with blurted out, “Good luck. Nobody in town's cooler than-”

Cut-in:

Funky and simple synth beats blasted out of the meager speakers that had been assembled around the warehouse floor, and it was clear that they'd been put up to their maximum volume. “Oh my god! We were right, it's them!” Balling his hands into fists and raising them with joy, Lars leaped out of his seat and quickly dived to grab something he'd brought.

As Logan had learned, music kicking in meant that someone was doing their entrance, and he whipped around in his seat to glare at the door. It was open, and taking up nearly the entirity of its frame was one hell of a giant man! The view was amazing, with muscles as far as the eye could see! Huge delts, gargantuan biceps, thick thighs and calves, a rippling eight-pack core and much, much more were all on display, wrapped up in a package of lavender skin and and hair, a tight, double-strapped tank style singlet – by jove, the singlet was even a rich indigo color!

Logan was gobsmacked, and found himself practically getting the vapors. His heart raced, and his tummy felt like it was doing backflips. “What a stud...” he whispered, drinking in the entirety of the hard-bodied being that was entering the building at a slow pace.

The well-dressed Mr. Smiley's excited and mature voice rang out over the building's makeshift PA: “Making his way to the ring, accompanied by Tiger Millionaire and weighing in at 297 pounds of invincible muscle, not counting fur, he is your #1 contender for the Beach City Underground Wrestling Heavyweight Champion of the World: Purple Pu-ma!” The crowd of maybe fifty locals and no travelers filled up the broken warehouse as if they were a cast of hundreds, cheering and whistling and rattling the steel barricade around the ring like it were some sort of percussion instrument, and the effect was to make the muscleman's entrance extra special.

“Aren't they the coolest?” The late teen with the curly mohawkish forward-leaning haircut was clearly a true mark, but he also seemed to be pointing behind Purple Puma.

The Ambassador perked up uninhibitedly, checking behind the wrestler as he walked down the same path Mr. Shard had just been helped out. PP clearly did have solid glutes, but the more important fact was that he had a manager! Logan had been exposed to the concept of a professional wrestling manager over the course of the evening; apparently, some wrestlers like to make their entrance with a non-wrestling person. Some of them were pretty girls, while others were older guys that seemed to be more like athletic trainers. However, Purple Puma's manager was the most unique of them all, by far! While the hunk of wrestling machine himself was quite distinct, the manager was a rather smol young man! He was handsome, but very young. Still, his physique was cool in its own way! He had plenty of mass around the midsection, and arms like ham hocks!

“Ready to make some money?” asked the little guy, having extracted a megaphone from the briefcase. He had a high little voice, like they'd gotten him from school. It contrasted well with the slick black hair, which transformed the suspenders-and-tie look his outfit had into a really sleazy style.

The crowd cheered back, “Yeah!”, saying it just once.

“What?! I wasn't talking to any of you poor people!” He furrowed his brow, and Purple Puma started laughing quietly.

“What?!” yelled the tiny crowd.

“I said I wasn't talking to any of you!”

“What?!” shouted the rowdy fans, one of which Logan was quickly being converted into.

“What I mean is that Purple Puma and Tiger Millionaire are the only ones in this building who are going to bring home the bacon!” Oh, that's why he was wearing a little cat nose/whispers prosthetic combination. He's a tiger! More importantly, Purple Puma was nodding in agreement and flexing. Jeez, even his armpit hair was silky and looked clean and fresh. Truly, the double P was a veritable Adonis.

“What?!” yelled the unappreciative crowd.

“We're gonna make big bucks!”

“What?!” cried the folks in the warehouse, getting into a rut!

“Jungle bucks!”

“What?!” rung out again, right on cue.

“And none of this cold hard cash is for any of you!”

“What?!” blasted the crowd, sounding more annoyed than before.

“And tonight, Puma's gonna do it without me!”

“What?!” asked the fifty-or-so true believers.

“Against Domnizer!”

“What?!”

“Let's!”

“What?!”

“Get!”

“What?!”

“Rich!”

“Yeah!” shouted the fans just as they had at the start.

Tiger Millionaire grimaced at the fans whom he clearly had no love for, and was carried the rest of the way to the ring on his way larger ally's right shoulder. Purple winked at the crowd (Logan swore it was directed towards him, but it was surely for everyone), and stepped between the ropes with ease and grace thanks to his height and obvious agility.

Cut-in:

Arriving to some deadass 80s cartoon shit was not Mumm Ra the Ever Living, but another solid looking human male. This one was tall, clad in the most basic black tights imaginable, and looked like he was of Russian descent or from some other Eastern European type situation. The guy was announced by Mr. Smiley as Domnizer or some crap, along with other unnecessary stuff like the fact that the match was scheduled for one fall, and was for the . Logan wasn't paying attention, really. He was still staring at Purple Puma, impressed by the godliness of the bod.

“That's what you like, huh?” asked the petite woman next to the diplomat.

“Nothing wrong with that, Sony. Nothing wrong with you, either, though!” The gray-haired one was in a really fun mood, having been loosened up by the cheap entertainment.

Instead of firing back, Sonya just kind of blushed and smiled, ending the chat as the bell to start the match was being run by the skinny referee.

“Do work, Puma!” shouted Tiger from the sidelines, as the two brawny dudes locked up.

“Isn't Tiger the best talent in the company? He's helluva tough, but he can work the mic, too! Did you see how he had everyone saying what?” Lars was as giddy as a fanboy for this match. That kind of makes him a fanboy, though. So the sentence is more like “The fanboy was as giddy as a fanboy for this match.” Fabulous material.

“It's an impressive team, for sure.” Logan watched, fully enthralled, as purple-on-caucasian skin grappling lead to Puma getting his arms around 'Domnizer's waist for a simple slam, which got a solid smattering of applause. Thanks to the fact that he was on the ground, the less-electrifying champion tried to wrap his legs around Purple's right calve, and had moderate success.

“Whoop!” exclaimed the mighty one as he fell to one knee, trying to manually pry Domnizer's boot-covered legs off his own. Soon, the foreigner was wrenching the leg, but Purp just grinned stupidly at the audience and used his long, muscular arms to smack his opponent square in the face! Both of the two competitors looked like they were in pain, and even though finally he was punched hard enough to force him to let go of the leg, Purple Haze still looked like he was having trouble getting up.

Domnizer, grinning like the poorly-formed Soviet caricature that he represented, took advantage of the opportunity by delivering a running kick to the downed challenger! Despite the impact making quite an impressive thud-smack, Logan's new fave didn't go down so easily. Empowered by his success, the bald possible-Russian repeated the action once, and then again as dark purple marks started forming on the righteous chest of Purple Puma!

“Boo!” said Logan, with the rest of the crowd joining in. With such a small gathering of fans, it was easy to get momentum for stuff like that.

“Bite me!” yelped the lavendar jungle-cat, his black mask staying in place perfectly as he leaped to his feet against all odds, smashing into Domnizer's stomach with an actual catlike pounce! The reigning champion had the wind socked out of him entirely, and he was left in a perfect position to have his shoulders pinned to the mat by PuPu!

The ref got in position to check that neither of Dom's shoulders were lifted, and no sooner did she count “One, two, three!” than the crowd went as ballistic as they had so far! It was over, just like that! Only a handful of moves, and the destructive Purple Puma had won!

“And your winner – and new BCUW Heavyweight Champion, Purple Puma!” Even Mr. Smiley's bald ass was excited about how it had gone.

“Purple Puma kicks ass!” said Logan, breathlessly. Yes, yes he did, and the gold-and-leather championship belt he was now lifting up was proof.

Outside, on the walk back to the Crescent Palm

“Wrestling is the best sport there is!” Logan was over the moon, practically skipping as he made his way down the street.

“Yeah it is. Remind me to take you to a lucha libre match sometime, if they even have that in this mixed up Planet Earth.” Sonya walked alongside him, going his way for obvious reasons. “Hey, you hungry?”

“Always. If I ate everything I wanted to, I would be huge.” Logan spoke some real damn talk.

“Does that mean you wouldn't want some Fish Stew Pizza?”

“I need Fish Stew Pizza,” answered the young man, opening his eyes like he was a hungry predator.

“Knew it. Ima peel off here, hit the boards, get us some pie, and bring it to you. See, I am the best.”

“The best among us, that's for sure.” Logan meant it, waving goodbye casually as he stayed on track to the hotel room.

From the moment she stepped out of view, Logan got maybe five feet before he got hailed. “Psst.” Looking around, he spotted a height-challenged person in a dark cloak.

“Uh, hi.”

Pulling it off her head, the curvy figure revealed itself to be the Crystal Gem, Amethyst! “Uh, hi. Nerd...” She rolled her eyes. “So, what'd you think?”

“Of what?” Logan wasn't following.

“Uh, my match.” The little one seemed confused as well.

“Uh, Amy, I didn't see you in any of the matches.” It wasn't adding up for the young man.

Obviously surprised that he hadn't caught on, she said, “Purple Puma? The main event? That was me, dude! Didn't I tell you that when you saw me, it might not always look like me? How did you miss the fat purple stone in the middle of all that chest hair!” She was dumbfounded, but Logan finally got it.

“Oh my god! You're a secret wrestler!” If Logan was happy before, he had instantly shot up to 'euphoric!'

“Why does everyone say that? But yeah. And you know what? Being rough with humans in the ring is fun. I like getting really physical with them.” A naughty smile started peeking on her face.

“I can't blame you. I enjoy a good scrap of sorts, too. Mostly like, mecha involved, but I will totally throw a-”

“Take me to your room and get fuckin physical with me right now.” Amethyst stared intently and with a hungry, impatient look in her dark eyes.

Damn. That definitely means it's

Choice Time!

>Hell to the yes!  Amethyst was thicc and sessy af, and he wanted that right now!  If they hit it really hard, maybe they'll finish up before the pizza gets there!  Of all the Crystal Gems, Amy would be the one to appreciate that stuff.  Logan loved easy hookups!

>Hell to the no!  Sonya was bringing pizza back to their room, and honestly that was the kind of girl he needed in his life.  Adorable, snarky and ready to bring pizza after a wrestling show.  That was more his style, at least at the moment.

>Nah.  Logan was ready to call it a night, hang out with his friend and eat some pizza.  He was really glad he had met his buddy/pal Sonya on the Maxiliner.

How fun!  OpieOP

We can wait for Sonya and ask if she wants to join in!

K, no more sad picture. Time for a real classic.